ok... she's doing it again.. get this... this morning she starts rambling about her college issues again.. and i'm trying to get to my seat so i can put my heavy backpack down... and she full on stops me and says, "hey, you can have the privilege to hear me out too!" DEAR GOD!!!!! ok... i would have seriously bitched her out at that point but a certain teacher was in the room (where i need my grade to go much much higher!) so i had to restrain it..... AHHHHHHHHHHHH... not cool... not cool at ALL! (and damn... if you still dunno who or what i'm talking about... here's a recap of an earlier blog from NOVEMBER 2002... see it's an old problem! *sigh* Problem 1: the "center-of-attention" friend: Ok.. so i have this friend... n it seems to me like she needs to be the center-of-attention at all times for the most part... n it gets annoying cuz u either have to agree with her opinions or u get the look and the lecture... blah blah blah... i dunno what to do... i mean she's one of my best friends but things are coming to the point that i don't wanna have to put up with it anymore... well... let's just say that she has a knack for turning your problems/situations/drama/expectations/ideas into versions of her own and then going of from there with it... n then you won't get another word in... and it's kinda hard cuz she tends to monopolize the conversation and seems to need that attention... she thrives on it i think... i'm not trying to be overly critical or anything... but i just don't feel like this situation within our little group of friends is too healthy... i mean i love em all... n maybe it's ONLY my opinion, not that of all my other friends... but it's really getting to me... and it shouldn't... so what should i do?)
so... you know how they say that if you don't learn from your past... you're doomed to repeat it! well... I BELIEVE IT!!! last night i found an old diary of mine from sophomore year (ya ya... so it's not THAT old...) same boy problems (different boys with similar personalities involved).. same family problems (same people who's perceptions of me haven't changed are involved)... same friend problems (different friends with similar attitudes involved)!!! it's a vicious cycle... and looking back at the way i wrote in this journals.. it's really (freakishly) alike! i still use the "..."s and the "!!!!" and the "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" and yeah... i used to quote songs in the middle of my passages too... weirdo! haha... THE SAVE THE LAST DANCE SOUNDTRACK!!! i was bumpin that back in the day... i think i've lost it tho... bummer! anyways... it's interesting to see how infatuated i once was... IT'S SCARY! well.. i wasn't exactly infatuated... just exteremely impressed and in awe. and how could i forget! THE MISINTERPRETATIONS!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh... everywhere... not everywhere... but wow... i was sooooooo naive back then! WOW! ya know when you read something so funny that you're laughing and crying at the same time... well ya... that was me last night! i can't believe it! it's just CRAZY! i kinda wish i could draw pictures in my blog like in a regular diary... pictures... scribbles... hearts... music... stars... skulls n cross-bones (lol)... happy faces... sad faces... i mean... i'd like to spruce this post up with colored gel pens and glitter and drawings... that'd be tight... lol... the apparent limitations to a blog! lol DUHHKA!!!!
finally... another vicious cycle... i was just thinking about me now.. and me last march/april... the parallels are INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!! struggling in science and history... liking boys... looking for ball/prom dates... and dresses... dealing with family shit... getting ready to travel... opening up to people... going on retreat... incredible responsibilities... it's just weird that it seems like i'm repeating the motions of my junior year... idk... maybe it's a stretch... but it's just weird to see all this now! |
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