Something to think about: I can close my eyes to the things I don`t want to see, but I can`t close my heart to the things I don`t want to feel.
*sigh* it's been a long time since i've felt peace... and right now, i'm welcoming it gladly. i never had a break after graduation. i didn't have that laid-back, totally chilled summer. ya know.. like right after grad, i got the job at the law firm, then the grad parties, jamie's confirmation, my grad party, working, CalSO, cesca's cotillion, miss hawaii-pittsburg (ticket sales, ad solicitations, dress hunting!), family coming by and staying here every other week... it's been hectic. and on top of that was all the berkeley stuff (signing up for classes, medical forms, dorm necessity shopping, setting up accounts, finding out who our roomies are)... but now, all that is behind me. everything's done! so it's time to coast for 2 more weeks till i move in... starting college is all that's really left of my summer, event-wise, i guess. i have a sense of closure with that i suppose...
...but what don't know that i'll have closure with when the school year starts is my relationship with my friends. and i don't think i want closure... i think that's the last thing i want closure with. after 18 years of life, i can truthfully say that i have FRIENDS.. like real friends, not just acquaintances.. these are the people i've confided in with my deepest secrets and insecurities. the ones i sought out for advise, for laughs, for fun, for comfort. the ones who know me and who love me, not despite of my girliness or idiosyncracies or whatever, they love me BECAUSE of it... i call these people my real friends even if they may not think so.. at some time in my life, they've pulled me through... whether they know it or not. and even if we've had rough times, or fallen out of touch, or don't kick it in the same group anymore, the memories are still there, the way they make me feel is still there, and the knowledge that they are always straight with me and not fake or just lookin to make me happy is something i value. i mean, sure it's nice for your ego when people flatter you or suck up to you or are especially nice and accomodating, but then you start to think "why?", "what do they want?" and then those people just get annoying. my friends aren't annoying. (thank god) they're sweet and intelligent and just the best people i know. you people know who you are.. (and if you come up to me and ask, i'll probably slap your arm and say "what the heck!" and laugh in your face...) I love you! you know that. |
posted by Rita at 
