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this is an old blog from march that was never published. posted, yes. published, no.... so here it. just a reminder to myself to quit thinking this way:
living this lie everyday just gets so tiring. it`s like a battle ongoing, but never won. no end in sight. neither death nor freedom awaiting you anytime near. but it`s a battle i must continue to fight, because i made the choice to. simple as that. will this lie ever conquer? let`s just hope it does. telling myself how wonderful it is to be alive, telling myself how much this world needs me, telling myself just how beautiful a person i am, telling myself how much good i do and can do, telling myself how much i`m loved, telling myself that i`m okay, telling myself that i will always be okay, telling myself that i`m worthy of any type of kindness... telling myself these lies just gets so tiring. but belief is formed through constant repetition to one`s self. and so, that is what i do and will keep on doing. what if it`ll be a battle never won? will i ever live in the truth that i`m just not good enough? will i ever live in the truth that i will never make up for all the wrong i`ve done and been? will i ever live in the truth that i really am the horrible person i know i am? living this lie about my existence just gets so tiring. |
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posted by Rita at 
