ok so i'm gonna start this now. and i will be done @ 1:00PM. (hopefully) well... i will be for now.

this may be very confusing for you to read or understand, but this is mainly for me and for my memory. it works in my head, so it's all good for me. so here goes.

my first year at cal:

so busy. so many "commitments".

DUAL LIVES!

much on my plate. much to live up to. lots on my shoulders. external pressures. internal pressures. struggles to hold on.

hold onto friends.

hold onto loves.

hold onto hobbies.

hold onto faith and family.

hold onto me.

denial. resistance. heartbreak. let go.

acceptance.

pilipino. female. engineer. sister. daughter. friend. student. person. me.

what am i fighting for? what is my purpose? am i good enough? do i belong? who is my community? who am i?

what does it mean when....?

if.... then...?

ah! just go!

amazing experiences. amazing people. breath-taking views. awe-inspiring moments. revelations abounding.

fully emoting. flowing forth. total joy. purity. innocence. love. so open.

so vulnerable. so free.

something i never knew before. a feeling i never felt before.

so in love. so loved.

moving ever onward.