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Easter week has been very good... real busy lately... lots to do and think about... *sigh* i can't believe i'm gonna graduate in a month and a half... it's KERAYZEE!!!! but i'm sure college will be awesome...
and on another more personal note... I'M NOT CONFUSED ANYMORE... I THINK I'VE FIGURED EVERYTHING OUT... well for myself that is... i know how i feel... i've known since... well that doesn't really matter... it's never changed... the important thing is that I know... but does he? that's what I think has confused me all along... not so much of what i feel inside that's confusing... but that i can't exactly decipher his feelings all the way... cuz it's never been about me... it's about him. so ya... i think i need to talk this over. we need to talk this over. no more of this third party business (no offense)... we keep talking around each other... asking around... never direct. but the direct thing didn't really work out too well the last time... i got all wound up in my family problems that i think i might have blown him off... eek! that probably wasn't a good thing to do... and it's not like the metaphorical stuff scared me... cuz it didn't and it was extremely valid and on the need-to-know and it was genuinely him... but i think i just wasn't in the right state of mind... stupid timing! and then again... timing is a huge part of it too... and the fact that i've got so little... and when i do... it's at like 10:30 PM along with everyone else... maybe i'll have more time once things start winding down... but then we're graduating... and it's summer... and it's college... OMG! idk what to do... about him...
this is why i didn't get caught up with boys freshman, sophomore, and junior years huh? argh. but i wish i had... i would've had more time... but would i have been mature enough? why does the maturity kick in now? why not last year? oh ya... it did... but that wasn't a focus in my life then... (ah... 4th day talk...) it's crazy how things can totally change in the course of a year... of a semester (switching places... lol)... or just grow... i wonder why i didn't clue into this last year? oh wait... haha... i remember... damn. asian people.. lol... ok... i'm not making sense anymore... time to go. |
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posted by Rita at 
