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thanks to chris (luv you babe), chris juan, fred, natalie, mark l, and everyone else for your words of encouragement. it means a lot.
i'm trying so hard to "handle it". to stay "on top" of things (ha! yah right...). to do well in my classes.... i'm doing my best.
but my best isn't good enough for them (my parents) anymore.
i kinda feel like a "failure" in their eyes now... kinda... i feel like i'm letting them down by not being the A-student i used to be.
it's kinda interesting... i always felt like i was a math/science/engineering person. yet... recently as i've been looking back, those are actually the classes that i've needed to work the hardest to keep up. i guess i really loved it then. i loved how supportive my teachers were. i loved how me and my friends were all in the same boat ("lift as you climb"). i loved knowing that these were things i liked, and worked hard at, and did well in.
but now... i don't feel that. i don't think i've ever felt that way at berkeley. i knew it'd be different. but... this is damn-near a 180. i guess, i still like math and science and engineering... it's just really discouraging to see that 37% on a final is average. to know that only 65% of the class will earn As and Bs and that the class is designed that way. to know that these are "weeding" courses... my best isn't good enough anymore.
i'm sorry... for my parents, for myself
peeve of the day: don't you hate when the tests aren't reflective of the homework or the lecture or the discussion or are just plain nasty???? |
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posted by Rita at 
