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| ok... my face isn't all red and wet and puffy anymore... so i'll continue... idk... going back to the beginning of my last entry... right now... they probably don't know it... but god... i don't know how much more of this i can take... i don't know why i'm putting this out there but it's not fun to be the crack of every joke or at the root of a *ahem* LIE!!! *ahem* i guess i'm just not that type of girl... i can only take so much of something not real... flattery i can handle... jokes i can handle... little side conversations i can handle... but i mean... it's not real... and i want something real... and it's like a perennial slap in the face to be taunted and joked about like this... and it may not seem like a big deal to other people... and maybe i'm placing too too too much emphasis on it or taking it a bit too seriously... but sometimes it hurts... because there's nothing i'd love more than to really have a relationship... and this isn't it... and when the situation's not real and i kinda sorta maybe wish it were... then i'm left the fool... and alone with well... myself... and my friends who do know what's up... to reassure me that it's not so bad... and that it might even be good... but god... senior ball... time's tickin away... and i don't need my enotions played with right now... i'm not in the mood to play along in this game for much longer... maybe my mood will change in a few hours... as it's prone to do... but for now... at 5:53 in the afternoon... this is really troubling me... |
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posted by Rita at 
