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so far... it's been a grand day! yes it has! physics lab didn't seem nearly as long as it did last week, yay! got back to stern before class was even supposed to end, so i talked to becky for a bit and cleaned and then had lunch with phil..
phil's off the market now... don't screw things up this time.. jk jk. i know i know. it's a thin line between dependence and independence. i'm excited for him! good luck...
did some ASUC work. found out that the APF never got my resume.... stupid postal system! so i'll be doing that again tonight. PAA mtg @ 6:30 in 200 Wheeler!! WE ARE REBELS WITH A CAUSE! and then... the festivities begin! soooooooooo excited!
i'm working on physics right now and check out this word problem... it made me laugh...
"Romeo is chucking pebbles gently up to Juliet's window, and he wants the pebbles to hit the window with only a horizontal component of velocity. He is standing at the edge of a rose garden h=7.6 m below her window and d=8.0 m from the base of the wall. How fast are the pebbles going when they hit her window?"
hahaha... Romeo's a nerd! but how considerate of him to only want them to hit horizontally... if i were Juliet, I'd keep him around to do my physics homework! that is, if he successfully gets these pebbles to hit just right. hehe! sigh... actually, naw, i'd keep him despite his physics shortcomings. i mean, who does the whole pebble throwing thing nowadays anyway? that's too cute! i think i need to be wooed like juliet... haha. i think i need a _ _ _. hahaha... or not.
"i'm single... oh baby, i'm single." <-- c/o mark's excellent music collection! |
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it's been a birthday-filled kind of week.
kinda.
monday was josh and kat's b-day. so here are a few thoughts on these two exceptional people...
kat: lol... it's kinda weird calling her kat after i've known her as kathleen for the last 4 years. i'll always call her kathleen. she's one smart gal. a great leader (frosh council woo woo). super friendly and kind. always smiling... she's one of those girls you know you can depend on even if you're not all that close. she keeps it real... i'm glad that i'll get the chance to know her better here @ cal. it's always nice to shard a common background with someone when you're in a new environment. here's to the good times, girl!!!
josh: josh and i have had an interesting friendship. i remember how it all began in the 6th grade. i thought he was hella dope cuz he listened to r & b... finally! someone with taste! and it was pretty cool up until 8th grade (haha... oh the graduation parties... flirting? yes. dancing? fasho. freaking out thinking my mom was around the corner? most definitely!!!) and then we kinda lost touch during the 1st two years of high school. somewhere in the middle of junior year, we started talkin again... and with the introduction of AIM into my life... we talked a lot. josh was a good friend. a very good one. summer was full of crazy inside jokes, deep conversations, virtual tears, and a whole lot more. in fact, he earned the title of ate #2 because well... yeah, that's just what happened. come senior year, i thought we were hella tight. it's totally different in the summertime. when school starts, everyone starts up again too... the stresses, the drama (OH THE DRAMA), the gossip, the busy-ness... yup. i guess you could say that i developed a crush on the guy... but things just did not work out as "planned".. (yes, i'm a planner). things got really bitter for awhile at least in my mind. i let my anger take over and yeah... i caused some drama of my own. but things cooled down and we were on good terms again! yay! and he was in cotillion & helped me with the guy's hip-hop section... hahahaha.. even though we didn't kick it in the same group in HS, i knew that he was a really good guy. i've told him things i've never told other people. i mean, he was the first person that i told about my surgery. i told him before i told lauren! and she's my best bud. i think i could trust josh with my life. maybe? hmmm.. maybe i'll get back to ya on that one... but on the real, i've so happy that we've been able to k.i.t. at our different colleges and all that good stuff. josh is one cool cat in my book. that might not mean a lot you... but it does to me.
today.. (well, eastern time today being the 29th) is my bestest, more gooder-est friend lauren's birthday!!!
where do i begin...
it all started sophomore year... we had classes together, but we really didn't ever talk or anything. i just knew she was smart. and that's all that mattered in my book, come junior year....
you see, the first time we ever really worked together was in chemistry honors our junior year. we were lab partners... i was kinda skeptical cuz i didn't really know her and she seemed really quiet (boy was i wrong) and yeah... i guess i was kinda judgemental... all i knew was that she was hella smart! so it was cool... and after a few weeks... we became such good friends!! yes, we had chemistry. hehe! and from then on... it's been super! super enough for a WB series even.. or maybe a screenplay or a book. lol! we've got so much material... it's bound to be a hit! so many good times. (oh the yearbook entries or as ZZ noted, "novels") so many quirky "us" things (the LIST!). such a bond. (ha, james bond! secret agents! class of 007.. muahahaha) we've even got telepathic powers when it comes to *ahem* certain *ahem* things... words are unnecessary cuz it's all about about the eyes and the eye brows and head nods and the weird facial expressions. it is hard keeping that all up while schooling on opposite coasts, but i know that this friendship's is gonna hold true till the end. bridesmaids? i think so! no, i KNOW so! there's just so much to say, but you would surely get tired and not read all the way through... that is if you've even decided to read till this point... in that case, give yourself a pat on the back! in a nutshell, she's my bestest bud in the whole wide world! (or one of them... hehe... i believe you can have more than 1) a friend, sister, kindred spirit, fellow first lady, goddess of goodness, lugubrious comrade, gilmore groupie, hallelujah crooner, partner in world domination, the most gooder-est english stud this side of the international dateline (hehe), "RORY", you're the B.O.M.B. dizzle fo shizzle.... lol... what else can i say? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUUUUUUDY! (i say we throw an epic weekend of our own...)
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| HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY, LAUREN!! aka comrade westerfield aka axis counterpart aka 1/2 of world brain aka ms. english stud aka RORY!! to be continued... oh yeah.. by Eastern Standard Time... it's midnight on the 29th... boo yah! |
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSH!! aka ATE #2!! to be continued... |
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OMG! watch "My Sassy Girl"... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! *will explain in possibly great detail later on*
wow. last night was lots of fun. actually everything this last week has been great. hmm.. what've i been doing?
weds. 1/14 moved in. had dinner w/ vaughn, chris, ruben, leo, jaelyn, & her bf eric... played texas hold 'em w/ taboo cards for "chips". dude, leo's a crazy player. "i'm all in" SHIT! i don't even have 5 cards and he's putting in all, idk, 40 of his! shooooot. .. played taboo. 4 boys and 1 girl (two of which were brothers) haha. so i played on both teams... yay! i won of course! i mean... really, how could i lose! it was the bomb ..... DOT COM! yup! that was alll me right there! then vaughn had to reconfigure his WHOLE computer and removed the 14 viruses that had accumulated over the course of a semester (2 that somehow appeared over winter break... even though his computer was off and unplugged the whole time!?!? how does that happen? scary, the viruses are having virus babies!) anyways... i learned how to play pusoy dos for real! man... i played some stupid hands. hahaha... and then they laughed at my inexperienced ass over here! aye yi yi... and then ruben got extra mean and was like "ok rita... this is how i'm gonna beat you." and then he starts commentating his card hands... man! ima beat him one day.... badly! you'll see, ha! jk jk.. it's all love. but freals, it was like pick on rita day or something... maybe i should defend myself more? anyway... chris was pretty patient, but then he too turned on me. blah! and i lost it and threw my cards done and fell back. god! it's good to be a girl... haha. imagine a boy doing that. hahahahahaha... ha! man... i've gotta play the people back home now. bring it!
thurs 1/15 i forget what i did that morning. if you know, remind me? lol... hmmm... i talked to lauren for a bit. went to crossroads for dinner and met up w/ vaughn & leo and michelle (vaughn's friend from high school). it's always funny at dinner whenever we start talkin about high school. you see, vaughn went to long beach poly... (oh yeah, michelle was one of their cheerleaders, too) and me, i went to carondelet but i might as well say de la salle... cuz you know it's on when we talk football teams. shoot. rivalry...yup. all fun, though. we don't hate. (nor do we exclude!) vaughn was like hecka ghetto-fied... it's a side i hadn't really seen before. real cool. and leo... man. i love leo. he's my dancing partner! what can i say... haha. we're both sitting at the dinner table scoping out the same guys that walk by. AHA! well, in the midst of dinner i missed like 3 calls from peter. michelle and vaughn and leo walked me back to I-house were we met up. michelle was tight. i liked her. they said i looked like a girl they didn't like in high school. her name was jodi? jodie? idk... vaughn didn't know whether to like me or not when we first met. hahahaha... they said peter reminded them of drew? yeah. so then peter and i headed over to cody's to listen to an author. i thought it was pretty good. my feet kinda hurt from standing the whole time though. but i thought it was alright. i think i'll go to those types of talks more often. i mean, i do live in berkeley... there's always stuff like that happening. i should really take advantage of that while i'm still here. after that we went to top dog b/c the pizza from blondie's wasn't sufficient. poor guy. and went back to stern and hung out and chatted and looked at pics and video clips and john's hallelujah mp3! *sigh* good stuff! frances came by, too! we had a mini-sleepover thing 'cuz her suite was empty and man... foothill's kinda scary when you're all alone! we talked girly talk & family talk & we watched a league of extraordinary gentlemen.. or at least tried to. i started to fall asleep...
fri 1/16. redid my blog. went w/ frances to visit the malixi's @ their place aka pinky. we watched the "kiss" video. i still get kinda emotional when i see it. oh man. we played more pusoy dos... yup yup! the rest of the day kinda dragged on. i went to dinner w/ frances and forbade her to have the "ice-cream"... hehe. it's cool though. we'll treat ourselves to cold stone on of these days.
sat. 1/17 i left berkeley around 9 am. then went over to auntie lily's place to learn my music for the broadway review we're doing at church in june... june 26 to be extact. woah. that's like 6 months from now! anyway... i learn my solo. i'm singing "i enjoy being a girl" from flower drum song! how cool... i get to be like lea salonga for 5 minutes! get 'em. i also learned the full choral pieces: Oklahoma, June's A'Bustin Out All Over, It's A Grand Night, & Heart. i really like these songs... especially heart. it's so jazzy & upbeat--a real feel good. tamara & cathy were there, too, to learn their songs. it's gonna be a good show! i'm excited! later on, i went to the Sto. Nino mass @ St. Peter Martyr Parish in Pittsburg. I had the privilege of carrying up the Sto. Nino statue b/c i am the reigning "miss hawaii-pittsburg" for the Filipino Catholic Society of Pittsburg. yup. not that that means much... but i guess it's kinda cool. plus i like being involved in their community. after mass, there was a dinner and lots of entertainment. good times.
sun 1/18 finished the St. Agnes cheer music. again... phew. went back to berkeley in time for the special 1st year year. vaughn, jae, bev, frances & camille all helped cook lumpia, spaghetti, and a pie. yay! i brought some cookies. it was so wonderful to see all those bright faces again! it feels right. after dinner we played taboo. HAHA! the boys won. but only b/c we couldn't get our act together. giggly girls... what can ya do? i've gotta admit though, my head wasn't entirely in the game. we were watching that movie where hilary swank is a guy (boys don't cry?) and idk... the scenes were pretty graphic. me and leo were dancing around a lil too... i can't wait to start dancing again! well... the rest of them went to mass @ newman and i went back to stern. had a long talk w/ peter. it's time for those new year's resolutions to take affect.
mon 1/19 woke up at 7:30! 7:30 on a holdiay... and school hadn't even started yet! hahahahahahahah... i gave josh a wake-up call so he could change his schedule. and then we decided to meet for breakfast at Crossroads @ 8:30. yeah.... i was late b/c i decided to go back to sleep after i called him. but crossroads wasn't even open! haha. so we went to noah's bagel and got something to eat. well. i did. he got some half & half and didn't even open it! anyway... i visited his dorm and was introduced to his roomie... we talked until crossroads was open at 10:30. i looked at a scrapbook that his girlfriend made him. eeeeee! it was too cute! she really loves him. and him, her. awwww... it's great seeing long distance relationships work out! i also met a new dude on his floor (daniel?). he was very tall & handsome & polite. (he had a cute hungarian accent, too!) yup. so we had brunch at crossroads and i saw ajay & chris from my math class last sem, & there was daniel sitting alone to eat. = (. i really should've invited him to eat w/ us... but ya know... after brunch, we went back to his place for some reason that i don't remember right now, but on the way back we ran into ajay & chris again, along w/ his roommate. small world, eh? so then we got his books & a web access card & then doddled around berkeley some more... and finally he walked me all the way back to stern. ahaha... it was a long uphill trek. after that, he said he'd never come back to visit! ahaha... too bad he left his books in my dorm & had to get them back the next day! ha!
later on... i went to the Puma store w/ frances. she needed to do some shopping. diana & chris came with, too! good fun... did you know that jollibee is gone?!?! yeah... that sucked. such a disappointment! so we ate elsewhere. we walked all the way back to stern and then i had a hall mtg... afterwards, we reunited at foothill for some "american idol" & "my big fat obnoxious fiance" w/ frances' suitemates! wow. i can't believe that kid on american idol was in my engineering seminar last semester! OMG! wow... OMG! later we went to the foothill lounge for the RW/RR Challenge... poor Coral. Monday was a long day... but i wouldn't have had it any other way!
tues 1/20. the first day of school!! had a physics lab @ 10 & a cancelled linguistics discussion @ 2. it was all good. i don't really have much to say about my classes, except that there's a whole lot of work to be done this semester. woooooo.... had dinner w/ the froshies. mini-reunion part 2... haha. we got split-up tablewise though. but it's cool... i went back to"pinky" w/ Chris & Joy to watch "My Sassy Girl"! ahhhhhhh!!! it was sooooooooooooo good. sigh. love. sigh. lost love. sigh. reunite lovers. sigh. i felt connected to the main female character. like, her mannerisms when it came to boys were kinda like mine. haha. "i'll kill you" no no. but i definitely knew what she was talking about the whole time. i feel ya, girl... after the movie, we listened to a lot of music and talked and played spit, speed, pusoy dos, and ding lun. it was SO MUCH FUN!
weds 1/21 i had 5 classes today. 10-4. woo hoo......................................... (that's more of a tired woo hoooooooo). and then i had an ASUC CO mtg. mucho tired!
thurs 1/22 had a physics lab today... it's nothing like physics in high school. first of all, my lab partner was not all that focused or wanting to do anything. so i pretty much did the whole thing while he copied my notes and answers. blah! oh wait.... actually, hs physics labs were kinda like this. haha... i had lunch w/ camille and her friend kyle. we saw the american idol guy and just kinda watched him during lunch. i can't remember laughing so much w/ a person i had just met. i think he's living in bowles too... there was quite interesting conversation going on... i had dinner w/ josh at "club dc3". lol... yeah. we're gonna own a club one day. it's gonna be tiiiight. lol. maybe. anyway...... it was the first time i'd eaten dinner at DC3. decent, it was. after that, i went over to the ASUC for "mocktails", but it was pretty much empty except for mike who came late too. everyone had gone over to kris' frat... so we walked over there and met up w/ anil along the way. he was headed to mondo gelato (did you know that that place changed its name over break?!?! weird...) played some good games of foozeball! i was on fiyaa! burn baby burn....
fri 1/23 had all 5 classes again today. i don't know what i would do if i didn't already know people in my classes. i met some cool guys in my math discussion today. i think i'd like to get to know them beter... lol. let's see: will & mike kurylo are in my physics class. nicky & josh & will & ben & steph & tessie & a bunch of other people are in my math class. josh & nari & kelsey are in my engineering class. ashley & neal & amy are in my lingiustics class. yup. we'll see how things go. lots of reading already.... sigh. going from 10-4 w/out eating kinda SUCKS! especially w/ a light breakfast. i was dying by noon. so after my math lecture i went to the free speech movement cafe for a bianca mocha and a chocolate croissant. OH... MY... GOD... It was soooooooooooo good! josh laughed at me when i came into E 36 w/ my food and i guess he pitied me. so he offered to bring me cheetos every monday, wednesday, and friday to hold me over till 4. hahahaha... this cannot be good for my diet. dad came around 5. did some quality TV watching w/ mom, jamie, and rachel. some wild and stupid dancing going on... but it's all great fun. hahaha... shake those hips!
the weekend: went well... lectored at the 5pm. went to the mexico dinner and won a basket full of chocolate candy and bars and cocoa and everything i'm trying to avoid. luckily it's at home and not in my dorm. wrote some things for kairos. did some hw and reading. went to China Wall Buffet for my uncle's b-day. got back to berkeley around 8:30. spent time w/ the froshies and got my spirituality on @ newman. mini-reunion #3. lol. i love how we linger until someone finally has the courage to say they've gotta go and then everyone else follows suit and says they've gotta go too. lol. good for you, rannel! i mean, mom! hehe... he's so responsible. we all can learn a thing from him.
right now: i'm listening to an mp3 of albert chiang's newest hit! wow. the more i hear about him, the more impressed i'm becoming... and maybe that's just cuz i only hear the good things, but hehe... he's SUCH A KEEPER... good job in the friends department, peter. mmmm... good music. puts me in a good mood. a reflective one. |
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it's like this:
my current "situation" is on life support... do i pull the plug if i know that nothing can come of it in the future, and thus save myself the emotional turmoil and the "what if's"... or do i keep the plug in--not knowing whether it'll survive later on--and trust that good things happen to those who wait? do i keep the hope alive? or do i accept what's been laid out before me, again? |
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oh dear. hahahahahahaha... haven't laughed so hard in awhile. oowee.
http://www.touchblue.net/pages/reneshow.html
www.touchblue.net has got some crazy-ass media going on. i'm a fan. it's all about being single, baby! watch the videos, listen to the song, laugh & laugh & laugh. i'm highly amused. two thumbs up!
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from chandra's buddy info:
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.
- Frodo |
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THE FRIDAY FIVE:
1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails?
Rita Jo Rose C. Encarnacion
Marketing Director/Community Outreach Intern -- Office of the President, Associated Students of the University of California, Berkeley
Officer of Publicity -- Stern Hall Association
{address here}
{dorm number here}
{cell number here}
ritajrce@berkeley.edu
"The most intelligent thing we can do is love, not reason.” Barry Lopez
{had to edit out some info... thanks for lookin out for me, camille!}
2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven't graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be?
First and foremost, I thank the Lord... My family: Mahal kayung lahat! My boys-n-girls: never forget the good times...ever...from CHEMISTRYtoCRANIUMtoDUKKHAtoDEADPRESIDENTStoGILMOREGIRLStoPHYSICStoCOTILLION! <> Varsity '00-'03: Thanks for the bruises and the fun... "cougars. cougars. cougars. cougars..." KAIROS XIV & XV: hugs 'n kisses... keep living the 4th! C/O 2003: "You ain't seen nothin' yet!"
3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say?
"homegirl needs to calm down" lol... no.
maybe, "STANFURD SUCKS! GO BEARS!"
4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say?
no i haven't... you wanna be the first to gimme one?
5. What would you like your epitaph to be?
i haven't the slightest clue, i think i need to live a bit longer before i figure out what i want on my tombstone. (not the pizza) |
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it's happening. i knew it would. here we go w/ the loss of contact... it's normal. after high school we go off to college, make new friends, forget the old ones, don't leave time to call/email/write/IM... yup. it's happening.
deal with it, girl.
on another note: it's time to bring back the Question of the Day:
If I don't become a Civil Engineer, what should i be when i grow up?
a nun - chris
a linebacker for the team LA should be getting anytime in the future - mark c (then he tried to get me to talk about it again...)
architect, college math/science professor - lauren
writing/journalism - vaughn
accountant - mark l
doctor, lawyer, paleontologist - jason
dance coach - albert
whatever your heart desires - anil, becky, judy, vivian
feel free to leave a comment w/ your thoughts... |
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"my technique'll make you sweat, but don't sweat the technique"
AH! all i want right now is a massage!
just got the newest CosmoGirl in the mail. read this fatty article about massages and how to give a kick-ass foot massage. dang! i'm not too comfortable w/ touching some random person's feet and giving 'em a rub, but -perhaps- depending on the person and their hygiene, who knows? sometimes... a girl's just gotta do what a girl's gotta do. ya feel?
*giggle*
but seriously... reflexology sounds really cool. i remember that at kairos there was a reflexology activity if you wanted to try it. i opted to listen to music and color w/ crayons (come to think of it... that was the last time i used crayons. i'm missing the childhood memories more and more) when the girls came back, they looked soooo relaxed. i could use some of that "strong hand" action right about now. it's a shame that i've yet to get some of it. lauren's gone. but peter's still around, somewhere.
who knew that your whole body could be remedied (to an extent) by getting special attention paid to your feet? cool. |
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it's amazing what you find when you google yourself.
haters... wow. i never realized i was that hated.
oh well. |
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this one's for you, lauren! it's no wonder that we're best buds... have a nice j-term!
and for the rest of you... have a good second half of the school year, too!! |
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Sense of Relief
You will get a real sense of relief this week, RITA, as Mercury turns direct after being retrograde since mid-December. It has been a frustrating time, as the speed at which you like to make connections, and create major deals out of thin air, has slowed down tremendously. But now it is about to start up again, and the smile will reappear on your face. On Monday, Mars aspects Neptune, which gives you a chance to meet someone who may inspire you to greater things. You may also find yourself in the company of artists and creative types, who will be able to contribute to your stock of ideas. On Wednesday, Venus aspects Pluto in your opposite sign of Sagittarius, and this may introduce a touch of romance into your week. It may start off as being quite platonic and intellectual. But soon the chemistry between you will be obvious, and things will develop quite nicely. There is a Full Moon in Cancer, which may highlight one or two personal financial issues, about which you could become very emotional. Take it easy and don't do anything in a rush. Wait until the end of the week if necessary. Expect good news about a property investment.
yay!! should be a good week!  |
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something to think about:
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i feel like venting.. like the good 'ol days.
point 1: so yesterday, i got on the computer at around 7. did the usual reading of emails, checking of blogs/xangas, seeing who was on aim, and then i decided to write a lil something on my xanga. so i did. i wrote this fatty year in review, all my resolutions, some shout-outs, some new year, old year stuff... and then it crashed. or something. and i lost it... all. that really bugged me. i had just emoted to my computer and then it was gone. grateful piece of metal.
this computer is annoying me more and more. and still, i use it. it's a love/hate thing i suspect... at least it turned that way when i brought it home for the holidays. everything was peachy back at cal. because... well... i didn't have to share it. now jamie and rachel have united in a force against me (as always) to monopolize the daylight hours on the computer. what fun. using up my memory. saving random junk that won't even be here two weeks from now. just playing around on it all day. ugh... it's mine! i'm selfish! i know! but gaaaaaaaaaaaaa... whatever. 2 more weeks and it'll be back in the dorms, and so will i.
point 2: ah yes! i'll be back in two weeks. i can't believe i wanna go back to school. i'm so antsy about it nowadays... people start school on monday. i wouldn't mind it. i like being away at college, even if it's only a 30 minute cardrive and i HAVE TO come home every weekend. at least it's time away. time where i can focus on school and cal-related things. time to spend with people i want to build solid relationships with. time where i can prioritize what i wanna do with the time i have without worrying about my parents schedules or my sisters. time where i can get away from the family dynamics and the hectic life that surrounds me here. i really do like the pseudo-freedom. who wouldn't?
point 3: so after the xanga incident yesterday. jamie and i got in a squabble about the computer and so my dad told us to go to bed. amazing... they still dictate my bedtime. i really really hate that. so i went to my room. busted out an old diary from my daniel stage... and started to write. i wrote a lot. stuff i'd never dare write online on this blog or on my xanga. and that's another thing... it kinda sucks not to be able to write about the things i'd really like to right now. too many people read it. too many people stumble on it. strangers. reading about me. my life. my thoughts. my emotional instabilities... i thought i was ok with it. i've told myself that i was ok with it many many times... but i don't know anymore.
i hate how i always second guess myself. it can't be good.
i thought it'd be cool if people could learn to understand me more through this blog. and it is. but there are times when the things that are really really important to me just can't go on this journal... and that's pretty frustrating. i don't want this to be a daily account of what i do, the places i go, the normalcy that perpetually surrounds me. i wanna draw from within myself without fear or worry. i wanna be free to say what i want without feeling weird about it. i don't want to be limited by the sense that people are judging me. it's the mind block i've created for myself then, i guess, which is the problem. dah....
but i'm proud. and i don't want to hurt people's feelings and i don't want people to be angry at me for what i say...
which kinda segues into...
point 4:
i don't wanna be a disappointment.
i don't wanna be a pessimist.
i don't wanna be the one to ruin whatever it is that we (that being, whoever you are that is reading this) has... if anything.
i'm a person-pleaser. is that wrong?
i wanna make people happy. i wanna be able to empathize with them. i wanna be compassionate and loving and supportive. i wanna be fun.
but it's hard to be that way all the time. ya know? i know i'm not. i've been told that i complain. and that's true. i've been told i complain a lot. true, again. but i don't mean to... i'm not a cold-hearted person. i don't like the unhappiness or the problems or the drama (most of the time). it's just conversation. stuff to talk about. stuff to bond over. so i'm sorry...
i'm sorry if i've made any of you feel like i only come to you when i'm in need of an open mind and understanding words. i'm sorry if i've stuck any of you in the middle of my problems. i'm sorry if i haven't treated you the way you deserve to be treated or haven't given you the respect you deserve.
i don't mean to be harsh or overly critical. i don't mean to be closed-minded and self-centered. i just am sometimes. so for the new year... i'll try harder to be the person i idealy envision myself becoming: a strong, independant, empathetic woman of substance. 
it'll be an interesting year, i'm sure.
ok... so that wasn't nearly as forceful or vent-y as i had imagined it to be. once again... here i go sugar-coating the real shit. oh well... i'm a work in progress. |
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posted by Rita at 
smooches!
