|
(There's Gotta Be) More To Life - Stacie Orrico
*also popular for her christian music. it's alright...
I've got it all, but I fell so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I fell like I'm missing
And why can't I let go
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I felling like there's something I missed...
Always.... Always
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm so unhappy right now. i just feel so unfulfilled, totally unsatisfied. i want so much more and i just can't get there. i don't know what's holding me back. i don't know that it's me holding myself back. if it is (which is probably the case), it's my own damn fault.
i have no clue. i've lost all sense of myself. i don't know who i am anymore. i'm changing. i'm dealing but not quickly enough... i'm so confused and anxious and just stressed.
people tell me that i shouldn't stress so much. they commend me for taking on so much and still surviving and even thriving, but it really taking a toll on me. REALLY taking a toll.
the problem is that i don't know what i want to cut out of my life. everything makes me happy in one way or another. everything is essential to sustaining that part of me. i can't let go. but somehow, at the end of most days... that happiness just isn't enough. i want to find that all-encompassing happiness. i want to find that thing, that activity, that person. i want it so badly that it hurts... *ugh* i feel so alone.
it's truly amazing how i can feel so alone even though i've gotta all these people around me, supporting me, watching out for me, loving me. sternie, staffers, first years, best buds, family... i just don't know what to do.
here's the "sitch":
sternies: seeing less and less of them as we're all retreating to our rooms earlier and earlier to get some serious studying going on... rarely make it to dinner w/ all my meetings. hall ass is ok. it's something i enjoy, but i feel like i could be doing so much more there. i feel like i'm not doing everything that i could be. why am i hesitating?
staffers: i've got no real problem w/ them. the work is starting to bog down on me. they know i do a lot there.. i was even the first ever INTERN OF THE WEEK (or something like that). that was really cool. being the first recognized on friday, yeah... it was aight. it's a pleasant environment to work in, but i just don't like how EVERYONE has such a negative view of the ASUC. i guess it's reasonable. most people don't know. most people don't trust. most people don't give a shit about their student gov't. that saddens me. a lot.
first years: i want to spend more time with them. this is my community for the next 4 years. i feel bad that i haven't been as committed to them as i was in the beginning of the year. i see bonds formed already, little circles that i don't really feel part of, inside jokes and parties and games... it's understandable. it is. i just wish i were a part of it. idk... i did without the filipino posse in HS and i was ok, but now i really want to be close to it.
best buds: i don't know what's wrong with me, but something doesn't feel right, guys.
family: i want to be left alone for awhile. i'm sick of calling every morning and every night. overkill huh? i'm so tired to coming out for the weekend only to sit on my ass, catch up on tv, and go to church once or twice or however times in need to because i'm still lectoring, eucharistic ministering, and cantoring. i'm SO TIRED! i really don't want to see them for awhile. JUST LET ME BE! i feel like such a kid at home... i shouldn't be talked to like a child. i don't deserve that. maybe if you talked to me like an adult and let me express myself and show you people that i don't want trouble, maybe then i'll start to respect you more. i mean, i respect you.. but i just don't appreciate that way i'm being treated in that house. they say absence makes the heart grow fonder... well, then i'm no more fonder of my family than when i started school. ugh! teenage angst... it doesn't go away. i'm so tired of dealing with you people! ie. rachel.. what the heck! why are you so violent? always beating on me and picking fights and just being downright annoying... i don't want to deal with your childish attitude. it gives me a headache. it's so dumb and juvenile.. i could rip you to shreds, but i choose not to. i choose to be the better person, and what do you do? you come back at me again, harder. grow up! and then jamie doesn't even respect my things. i leave home on sunday night. my room is CLEAN! i come back friday night and my dresser is a MESS! LEAVE MY THINGS ALONE!!!!!!! C'mon now... and then the parents. just leave me alone!! that's all i want... please don't nag me. whatever you need will get done. if i don't answer right away... it's not disrespect, it's my slow brain trying to process what you said. and sometimes.. i just don't hear it. you're guilty of the same thing... i don't know how many times you've ignored me in the past. i don't know how many times i've called out for you.. and i've gotten nothing. no answer. and yet you were only 2 feet away. what goes around comes around. you do what you know. you learn from your parents. that's what i've learned and picked up... how can you blame me? and about having friends and being social and going on to see them. OMG! what's wrong with that!!! i haven't seen some of them for MONTHS! literally MONTHS! what's the problem with wanting to drive out to pleasant hill or danville or benicia to kick it for a day, an evening, or even an hour! i think i can make decisions for myself. i think i know what needs to get done.. you don't think i'm planning out my day in advance, that i've got goals for myself, that i'm not constantly thinking about my future and every little think i need to do to get there... i know where my priorities are. i can balance, if you'd only let me... instead you're driving me in the all-success-by-profession side of the balance... i don't like that side. it's cold and lonely and without true happiness. i'm sick of hearing that i can have what i want when i'm a professional... DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT WILL BE!!!???!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... i can't stand it anymore.
can i just start over? is it too late to start over??
|
|
|
|
|
my seemingly chill weekend went all wrong at about 9:30 today. thanks family... *ugh* i shouldn't have even been there. i REALLY don't wanna seem them for awhile.. but as luck would have it. i'll be home by wednesday.
great.
|
|
|
|
|
a pic from tuesday's show... me, huan, and mari. thanks girl..
haha.. see those bags under my eyes.. that's from sleepless nights studying for those hard classes at berkeley. yup. and still i get Bs. WTF! |
|
|
|
|
we do it in the greek baby...
GIVE 'EM THE AXE!
HAKA! |
|
|
|
|
a wise friend once told me: A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
do i babble? hmm... i must not cuz this girl hasn't been kissed in ages! ahhhhh... girls, you know what i mean.
thanksgiving's gonna be a bust. i just know it. i leave for LA on thursday morning, while everyone else is coming back to the bay. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE! since when did our family go to LA for thanksgiving, huh? the last time we did that, i was 7! WTH! however, i am looking forward to seeing becky on weds. night before we leave. she's been gone since june, but we're still real tight. hm, i don't know if i'll get the chance to see anyone else. no lauren, no megan (yeah, haven't talked to her since september), no peter, no SAS crew, probably no rojo's (WE NEED AN UNCLE TONY DAY, GUYS!)... but it's ok. we'll all just have a christmas reunion... *sigh* ... lookin forward to christmas gifts (eek! what to buy?), hot cocoa, GILMORE GIRLS, P&P, "the chocolate game" (<--hahaha.. lauren, you've changed! i don't even know you anymore.. LOL!!!), pictures, CRANIUM!, movies (ah! LOTR), and all that good holiday stuff...
|
|
|
|
|
In a world of "what if"s, how about some "maybe"s...
Maybe...God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Maybe...when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.
Maybe...it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.
Maybe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Maybe...the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.
Maybe...you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do.
Maybe...there are moments in life when you miss someone - a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child - so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
Maybe...the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. We should all have one.
Maybe...you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.
Maybe...you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.
Maybe...giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.
Maybe...happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.
Maybe...you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Maybe...you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy. |
|
|
|
|
| stupid bugger... don't fill my inbox with nonsense! ah... subject:RITA ENCARNACION, Someone wants to Date you. i could kill you! i hate these stupid matchmaking, find-a-date, find-a-soulmate, here's-the-man-of-your-dreams emails! stupid companies trying to sell their stupid ideas and their stupid notions of love... ah! don't get my hopes up, b/c I KNOW that nothing good ever comes out of online relationships... that's just ludicrous, yo! pure crazy talk! |
|
|
|
|
hey.. if the stars say it, it must be true...
Your Daily Horoscope for November 20, 2003
Dear RITA,
It's going to be a great day to get things done, RITA. Cosmic conditions will have you feeling energetic and raring to go, so if there's a list of "to-do's" waiting for you, grab it and get going. You might need to resist the temptation to spend more time socializing than you should. If you keep your focus on your priorities, you'll be finished before you know it and there'll be plenty of time left for play!
|
|
|
|
|
question of the day: are you stressed?
yes: 13 (rita, elexis, angie, chiara, debi, tiffany, christina a, albert, ian, mark l, vivian, kevin, ian)
no: 12 (mark c, raquel, tanya, joy, vanessa, randy, christian, camille, chris, rannel, colin, peter) |
|
|
|
|
__bold the phrases you did as a child
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your Mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter Shack, House).
18. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and was proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear...
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You never wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
26. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch pails to school.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
34. You owned a pair of jelly shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You never got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
41. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "totally awesome."
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy."
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights.
45. You wore socks scrunched down.
46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
47. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
50. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies.
51. You thought Doogie Howser was hot
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell," the ORIGINAL class.
55. You know all the words to YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME by Bon Jovi |
|
|
|
|
question of the day: what's your favorite sports team?
SF 49ers: 8 (Christina, Mark L, RD, Elexis, Mike, Matt, Anil, Me)
Manchester United (english soccer): 1 (Lauren)
PSG (French Soccer): Will
SF Giants: 5 (Becky, Phil, Adam, Regina, Lauren <--redeeming herself lol!)
LA Lakers: 5.6666... (Ian, Tiffany, Chris A, Hilary, Kevin, 1/3 Ian's vote, 1/3 Rannel's vote)
Golden State Warriors: 3 (Peter, Chris M, Joy)
Oakland A's: 1 (Debi)
Chicago Bulls: 1 (Laura)
Oakland Raiders: 1 (Kuya Vin)
Washington Redskins: 1 (Jason)
Real Madrid (soccer from Spain): 1 (Colin)
Cleveland Indians: 1 (Ajay)
Dallas Mavericks: 1 (Mark C)
NY Knicks: 1 (Ate Monelle)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 1 (Carlo <--only cuz he couldn't think of any others even though he lives in the bay area where we have like 2 of each!!)
San Diego Chargers: .6666... (1/3 Ian A's vote <--along w/ the lakers and the padres, 1/3 Rannel's vote)
San Diego Padres: 1.6666... (Angie, 1/3 Rannel's vote, 1/3 Ian A's vote)
UC Davis Aggies: 1 (Albert <--regina's hubby.. lol jk! and then he said stanfUrd cardinal!!!! WHAT THE HECK!)
CAL FOOTBALL: 2.5 (Vaughn, Wally, Jason said it too but after the WA Redskins..., )
CAL VOLLEYBALL: 1 (yay Viv!)
MY TEAM!: 1 (Steph <--classic!)
oh hey... colin educated me in english & spanish soccer today. arsenal. i hear they're the premier team over there... lauren's got a kindred soul @ berkeley. wow.. french, english, and spanish soccer... how come no one like american soccer?? |
|
|
|
|
| AH! ok.. so if i want straight A's my first semester.. i need to ACE EVERYTHING FROM NOW ON! EVERYTHING!! oh my goodness... man. whatever happened to the busy work that buffered my grade! wah. i miss busy work. |
|
|
|
|
today i woke up.
i rolled out of bed.
i tore open my curtain.
and what did i see???
a big fat crane blocking my view of the bay!!!!
WTF! |
|
|
|
|
song of the moment:
I Want To Know What Love Is - Foreigner
Gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
This mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled too far
To change this lonely life
Chorus
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
I want to feel what love is
I know you can show me
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled too far
To change this lonely life
Chorus
yup... that's definitely a classic. you've gotta know that one. YOU'VE GOT TO. gosh.. it's just one of those songs you'd shamelessly belt out in the privacy of your room or your shower or even your car. i must confess that i enjoy singing in the car even if people do look at me getting all diva-like to the radio. hahaha... i really like that song. it's an awful music video and the band is NOT hot in any way, shape or form, but dang... way to hit 'em where it hurts... we can all relate to it, i think... c'mon now, who doesn't wanna know what love is?? or feel what love is? who doesn't want to find someone to show them? ahhhhh... it's a fave.
i need to see love actually.
I need to see love actually.
i NEED to see love actually.
i need TO see love actually.
i need to SEE love actually.
i need to see LOVE actually.
i need to see love ACTUALLY.
I NEED TO SEE LOVE ACTUALLY.
...got it.
ahhh... i can't get that song that plays during the trailer out of my head either... *song* i don't want a lot for christmas. there is just one thing i need. and i don't care about the presents underneath my christmas tree. i just want you for my own. more than you could ever know. make my wish come true. baby, all i want for christmas is you....*end song* eeee! the movie looks sooooooooo cute! you know that scene where she leaves him in the doorway and runs around the corner and silently jumps and does that girly-spastic-giddy thing and then calms and collects herself and goes back to him... yeah, that's totally something i would do. hahahaha! and yeah.. i guess i'm jumping the gun. heck, it's not even thanksgiving yet and i'm already thinking about christmas and planning for christmas... but "eeeeeeeee" i'm a girl and i need love. love love love. (and i ain't talkin about that family love, or that relatives-pinching-your-cheeks-and-saying-"dalaga siya" love, or even friend love... i want more.)
i think we all do. so from me to you: *muah*
and if you've already got it, count yourself among the lucky... don't mess up a good thing, yo!
|
|
|
|
|
this was nov. 16 2002: hahah... life's funny sometimes... really it is... i think i'm losing my mind... u know that feeling when you're just so overwhelmed and u get kinda delirious or hysterical... haha... i think i'm having one of those moments... college apps are almost due and the USC app finally arrived n now i need all the teacher recs... and the scholarship the school nominated me for is almost due... god i'm scared... n it sucks kinda... cuz i did this to myself... i'm such a procrastinator... n then i get all frenzied... it's my own damn fault and i need to say this and be able to look back at it... it's proof of my incompetence... right here... I, RITA ENCARNACION, AM LAZY AS HELL!!! I VOW TO CHANGE MY WAYS IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION (meaning: I won't be so lazy anymore)... AND FURTHERMORE... I AM TAKING A HIATUS FROM BOYS! yes i know it's quite a shock... i'm rather puzzled myself... but if there's anything i've learned within the past few months... guys take up too much of my brain capacity to worry about... i'll just wait till college... where i could actually find a responsible intellectual one... who's got killer looks and a kind heart and a sense of humor that'll just kills me... hahha... whatever... till college it is!
well. that hiatus didn't last long... duh! and yes, i am still lazy as heck. and no, i still haven't found THE guy... but i'm lookin. i just hope i haven't overlooked him. |
|
|
|
|
peterds9 (1:56:38 AM): i'm just going to make sure not to do that handshake where i slip my finger in
CaLxPiNaYx07 (1:56:45 AM): huh?
CaLxPiNaYx07 (1:56:55 AM): what handshake is this?
peterds9 (1:57:14 AM): i've never done that to you? everyone always pulls their hand away quickly cuz it feels so weird?
CaLxPiNaYx07 (1:57:26 AM): nope. i don't think so.
peterds9 (1:57:38 AM): i shake normally but then wiggle my index finger into your palm and slip it in and out so it feels all weird
CaLxPiNaYx07 (1:58:26 AM): nope. you've never done that with me...
CaLxPiNaYx07 (1:58:35 AM): however, emily turcios has.
peterds9 (1:58:48 AM): hm. you'll have to remind me to sometime. i do it quite frequently actually
CaLxPiNaYx07 (1:58:56 AM): and yes, it freaked me out when she did cept i didn't pull my hand away
peterds9 (1:59:32 AM): hey--you dont like say yes?
CaLxPiNaYx07 (1:59:37 AM): i just laughed b/c she was holding my wrist with her other hand so i couldn't get away
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:00:33 AM): i did. but i was just listening to it and all the moaning and groaning was getting to me. i was like, this sounds dirty.
peterds9 (2:00:55 AM): lol. its not dirty at all!
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:01:02 AM): what are you talking about!
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:01:09 AM): it's EXTREMELY DIRTY!
peterds9 (2:01:24 AM): say yes, by elliott smith?
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:01:39 AM): hahaha..
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:01:45 AM): no, by floetry
peterds9 (2:01:56 AM): oh. lol
peterds9 (2:01:59 AM): thats really really funny
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:02:32 AM): yup.
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:02:50 AM): my "say yes" goes like... All you gotta do is say yes
Don't deny what you feel let me undress you baby
Open up your mind and just rest
I'm about to let you know you make me so
All you gotta do is say yes
Don't deny what you feel let me undress you baby
Open up your mind and just rest
I'm about to let you know you make me so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,
You make me so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so
peterds9 (2:02:58 AM): "i'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl whose still around the morning after" <--thats not dirty at all!
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:03:02 AM): yeah.. that's not pure at all
peterds9 (2:03:15 AM): right. we've got completely different songs in mind
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:03:20 AM): fo sho.
CaLxPiNaYx07 (2:03:59 AM): hahaha. that's really funny.
good times catchin' up with good 'ol peter kelly... lol. |
|
|
|
|
have you ever felt your heart stop beating? have you ever felt like a seemingly short amount of time was an ETERNITY? have you ever been so worried about a lost item that you sent out an email to all the girls (or boys if that's the case) on your floor to ask if they'd seen it or accidentally picked it up??
yeah. that was me this morning!!!
oh my goodness... i thought i lost my class ring forever... it must've dropped out of my robe pocket or something. weird. oh man, i got that shooting sensation in my head. i was so antsy and just worried. i love my ring. well, i don't love it. i just have a strong attachment to it.
thank goodness for cleanly floormates who picked it up of the bathroom floor... phew. *sigh*
|
|
|
|
|
oh my goodness... this is an abomination!  *hmmph* *flip hair* |
|
|
|
|
hmmm... i have a sudden urge to download al green songs. hahaha..
|
|
|
|
|
yup. i'm in concord now... just got back from the 5 pm mass.. actually, no. that's not true. i got back about an hour and a half ago... when i got home i heard the answering machine beeping.. and i was like, "look ma, my boyfriend called." (btw... i don't really have one) and she said "who's your boyfriend?" but the thing is.. she didn't say it in a mean or harsh tone look usual.. it was kinda happy and curious... hehe.. so to quote urkel "i'm running you down babyyyyyy.... i'm runnin' you dooooooooooooown." lol!!! yup... looks like things might be changing around here!!!! lol....... *wishful thinking*
anyway... i ran upstairs to my room in my church clothes.. man i looked so old. really business like... thank goodness for removable shoulder pads, haha! and i didn't really feel like changing cuz i felt oddly free (i feel that way a lot after mass.. idk what it is, but i'm usually kinda spacy when i get home from church events) and so danced in my room and in the computer room to some re-mix of a slow jam that i don't know the name of. i was just being all stupid and girly and just dancing.. jamie said i was a freak and my dad was mocking me, but who cares. it was fun. haha... i don't even know what the heck i was doing... dance dance dance! DANCE!
later i had dinner, and did some family bonding over the beginning of a lifetime movie. yeah.. i love lifetime movies! but they are just SO predictable... SO PREDICTABLE!
anyhoo...
tonight my family did a post-homily homily on stewardship... we just talked about what we do and why we do it and what it means to us.
we got a round of applause and a lot of good feedback! it was kinda fun... deacon jim asked me if i had written my portion and upon replying, "yes", he went on to say that i had a talent for it... yay! that made me feel really good...
this is what i said tonight:
The first three things that come to my mind when I think of stewardship are time, talent, and treasure. These are the words that have been emphasized by my teachers and mentors all my life, that have been seen flying over the entrance of our parish every month, and that have been heard in songs during mass.
We can emphasize and see and hear all we want, but if we don’t take these three things to heart, stewardship means nothing. Stewardship is action – an actual giving of your time; sharing of your talent; offering of your treasure. It’s a way of living.
Since Kindergarten, I’ve been encouraged to be a steward. St. Agnes School invites their students to get involved from the beginning. At every mass, I’d see Sr. Rita Francis leading the congregation in singing. I’d see older kids lectoring or ushering. I witnessed truly Christian attitudes every day, and every week each class nominated a “peacemaker”. Memories of those weekly assemblies, monthly liturgies, and numerous service activities during my elementary school days propelled me to take the initiative in continuing my stewardship life at Carondelet High School and at UC Berkeley.
After 15 years at this parish, I can gladly say that I’ve been a student, a children’s choir member, a dancer, a cantor, an adult choir member, a youth leader, a cheerleading coach, a lector, and a Eucharistic minister. I never really questioned why I got so involved, although many of my friends wondered why I was so passionate about being an active parishioner. They’d say, “that’s for adults…”, but who’s to say what I can or can’t do. I’ve always felt that this was God’s calling for me. Who am I to say to God, “No, I think I’ll just leave that for the adults to take care of”. I want to take control of my spirituality and my faith life. I want to be a positive force in the community. I want to be all that I can be for my Lord, because He has given me so much already.
I love St. Agnes Parish. It has become my second home – my home away from home. You are my family and as family we have an obligation to ourselves and to each other to sustain it and help it thrive. Stewardship is a call to family.
yeah... i think i wanna change things for tomorrow... i don't think i could repeat myself at the 4 other masses tomorrow.. i need to talk about new things.. change things here and there.. cut. paste. edit. yeah.... i'm workin on it.
|
|
|
|
|
new music... eee!
Amel Larrieux - Make Me Whole
Darling I want you to listen
I stayed up all night, so I can get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missing
Cause a person like you, made it easy to do
I've waited for so long, to sing to you this song
Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole
I think the angels are your brothers, yeah
They told you about me, said you're just what she needs
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's one thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you
Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole
You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
To giving thanks to you
Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole
|
|
|
|
|
| ahahaha.. new blog layout! comments? questions? concerns? |
|
|
|
|
| JAMIE! i found the whole song.... LISTEN GURL! |
|
|
|
|
Spell your first name backwards - Noic An Racn Ezur Cesorojatir (WTF!)
Are you a lesbian - No
Where do you live - Berkeley from Sunday night to Friday afternoon (maybe Saturday afternoon) and Concord otherwise
Wallet - Shades of Blue w/ tropical flowers and palm trees. VENUS GirlTrap brand from Pac-Sun
Toothbrush - White and Hot Pink
Jewelry worn daily - Mossimo rectangular-face watch and my CHS class ring
Blanket - looks like a quilt actually. it's not doing the trick though.. think i might need something fluffier and warmer for winter
Coffee cup - Stainless Steel Tumbler
Sunglasses - try transistion lenses baby! yup yup. that's two pairs of glasses for the HUGE price of one. lol.
Shoes - Adidas cross-trainers. blue payless flipflops. black K-Swiss sneakers for danceworx.
Handbag - a black one from Nine West. birthday present.
Favorite top - my diagonally striped blue and white tank top w/ the tails that you tie on the side. yup... but i probably won't be able to wear it again till may. oh well...
Cd in stereo right now - don't have a stereo or cds.. everything is downloaded onto my trusty computer!
Tattoos - None.. but i think i'd like to get one someday.. but not in a highly visible place or a place that will definitely stretch during pregnancy. yuck! we'll see...
Piercings - just the ears, but i don't remember actually getting them. i was only 2 months old. i think eyebrow rings on certain guys are extremely sexy though... (oooooo.. is it getting hot in here?)
What you are wearing now - Express Jeans, Cal Football shirt (TRUE BLUE baby!), USA Nationals sweatshirt, ankle socks, um... oh yeah. underwear! hahaha...
Hair - Black.. but not jet black (that'd be tight) it's just some natural tinting going on from all those harmful hair products necessary for cheerleading.
Makeup - i really don't wear make-up at school... no desire to fuss about my face. but if i need t apply CoverGirl powder/foundation, Sephora deep tone powder under cheek bone, NARS "orgasm" blush on cheeks, gold-pink CoverGirl creme eyeshadow on the lids, brown Estee Lauder eyeshadow on the edges and in the crease, off-white Estee Lauder eyeshadow between the lid and the brow, Maybelline black liquid eyeliner, eyelash-curler, Bourjois black mascara, Lancome "Ginger Root Velvet" lipstick, and Estee Lauder "Go Pout" lip glaze... haha. and get this: it only takes me 5 minutes to do all of that... ha! i'm good.
Who or what (was/is/are)
In my head - Damn, i've got a lot of work to do after i finish this entry...
Wishing - That I could stay in berkeley on the weekends.
After this - I'm gonna eat. again.
Talking to - nodoby
Eating - nothing... i'm hungry, yo!
If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason - umm.. i don't think i wanna answer this. someone might google me and get incriminating evidence on my ass one day.
Famous and shouldn't be - those two girls on MTV's new show "rich girls".... uh, Tommy Hilfiger's daughter and her friend with the non-existant love life... gimme a break MTV. are you TRYING to make the general population dumber... actually, it gives me a good laugh to see how petty and immature these girls are. haha...
Person you wish you could see right now - Lauren! i miss you girl...  a month and half... and Becky! i'm sooooo dead bored...  FIX IT! and Peter! wth, man? you were in town last weekend.. and still no contact. 
Is next to you - Nari.. the previously mentioned roommate.
Some of your favorite movies - The Breakfast Club, The Sound of Music, The Princess Bride, Dirty Dancing, Mulan, The Little Mermaid, Lilo & Stitch, Miss Congeniality, Ferris Beuler's Day Off, She's All That
Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - Thanksgiving!
The last thing you ate - New England clam chowder in a bread bowl... mmmmmm... ahhhhhhhh.. warm sensations in my tummy... sooooooooo good! 
Something that you are deathly afraid of - Dying alone. i'm cool w/ dying. i just wanna know that i'm loved.
Do you like candles - yup! set the mood, baby...  lol...
Do you like hugs - YES!!! goodness... it's been so long since i've had a hug. someone hug me!
Do you like the taste of blood - WTF! no.
Do you believe in love - Yes, of course I do.
Do you believe in soulmates - It's a nice thought to have someone else in this whole wide world that you're destined for. and hopefully, there's one out there for me. i'm here. just holla... lol. jk jk. i know it doesn't work that way. oh yes, i KNOW it doesn't work that way. it's just that i don't know that i believe in it that strongly. how can there only be one? what if they die? what if you die? then that person has no one! and that's a SAD thought..
Do you believe in love at first sight - again, another nice thought. sight can be deceiving though... i don't think i've ever experience this love at first sight. finding love thus far has been pretty damn tedious... more tedious than it should be. well, maybe that's not true. i know i'm drawn to certain types of people, but getting to that point where any form of commitment is even plausible takes awhile. but hey, love at first sight. that'd be so cool. just feeling that head-over-heels, maddening sensation in your gut... feeling your heart flutter and pound... feeling your mind racing... yup, that'd be really cool to have happen the moment i see HIM! yeah, i'd love to feel that.
Do you believe in heaven - Sure do. hope i get there...
Do you believe in forgiveness - Duh!
What do you want done with your body when you die- I'd want to be buried near family... idk why. i just do i guess... and i'd hope that people would come to the funeral and that they might remember something good even if what they mostly remember are the bad things. just one good thing about me would suffice.
Who is your worst enemy - i can't say... sometime i think i'm my own worst enemy.. we all have those kind of days...
If you could have any animal for a pet what would it be? - i think dog's are kinda cool... but having a live animal is quite a responsibility... i don't know that i'd have that kind of commitment level for a pet.
What's the latest you've ever stayed up - haha.... try an all nighter. that's right. NO SLEEP!
Ever been to belgium - nope.
Can you eat with chopsticks - yes. yes i can! it took practice though! and it's a good thing i can now, because i'm quite partial to those teriyaki chicken bowls on campus.. and with a 30 minute break between chem lab and math discussion... well.. you gotta eat those suckers fast!
What's your favorite coin - Silver Dollar, yo!
What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - San Francisco, Honolulu, New York, London, Rome
What are some of your favorite pig out foods - Iced Oatmeal Mother's Cookies! goldfish crackers! and ice cream... any kind!
What's something that you wish people would understand about you - That I can't be your crutch at all times. That I have insecurities. That I don't like all these expectations that people set on me. That i'm guilty of taking on too much sometimes (and that it's ok to stop me if you see me doing something that's not good for me). That i'm trying to grow up and figure out who i am.
What's something you wish you could understand better - the male species... you know you wish you could, too!
|
|
|
|
|
http://asksnoop.com/
HAHAHAHA!! oh man... go here and choose a site that you wanna read ghetto-fied. awwwwwww shnap. i read lauren and pk's blogs on it... hahaha... good shit. |
|
|
|
|
a post in response to my dear friend, lauren, and her most recent blog entry: I NEED A MAN, TOO!
it's been so long since i've felt that kind of affection. ahhhhhhh, it's driving me nutz! i am sooooooooooo boy deprived at STERN! thank goodness for ASUC and pil-orgs and all that curricular and extracurricular...
and here's another thing i need to get out there, i said "since"... which implies that i've been there before. and yes, it's true. i have. i had a boyfriend this summer. it was possibly the best summer of my life... (but then again, i'm only 18, so that's probably not saying much)
in any case, not many people knew (parents included). my sister's didn't even know until it was over... and yeah. i kinda feel bad about not addressing this a lot earlier. there are a lot of things i wanted to say, lots of things i wanted to record in this cool blog, but i refrained from such topic because i knew that people read this and i didn't want other people knowing ALL of that. guess, it just comes with having a public online journal... i mean, as cool as it is to have one and feel relatively free and creative and alla that... sometimes i feel like i restricting myself, and i was. a lot.
and idk, it's just weird. for awhile, i knew that he checked my blog (this was before the hook-up) and read it... and so i didn't really want him reading more things about himself and about the things we did and how i felt about everything... it didn't seem right for him to just read it in my journal, because those are the types of things you should exclusively tell each other ya know, and not the whole internet-wired world. yeah. but now, i'm just kinda questioning it all.. like, what if i had written down everything? if i had, i'd be able to look at it all now, like right now... but in those days, would it have changed our relationship? idk.. it's really hard not to dwell on the past. really hard. still trying to get over it all.
and the fact that i'm still trying to get over it is kinda troubling me. it's been over two months.. and i still have strong feelings for him. not totally romantically-inclined but not totally friendship-inclined. it's so hard. we were really good friends, and so it really saddens me not to know how he's doing. it really saddens me not to know how my other friends are doing, too. like megan and christina, where the hell are they?? i talk to becky and lauren often, but even then... i know we try really hard to stay in touch. we call. email. IM. but it's just so different from having them here and seeing them! actually SEEING them... and this is where it comes back to peter. he was in town this weekend. and i still didn't SEE him. at one point he was all of 5 minutes away, and i just couldn't go and see him. or him, me. and i would've loved to have seen him. really would've loved to see him. but as things always seem to go, it just doesn't work out. and my hopes are again smashed...
but i've gotta realize that this is college and not high school. i've gotta realize that we all live separate lives and want different things (if any) from each other. is it right to still want we we had and more? is it right to think that my friends want to hear from me as much as i want to hear from them? i wonder what it's gonna be like when christmas break comes around... and we can actually SEE each other. will they want to? and how do my "old" friends fit in with my "new" friends?
i think that fact that we always talk about the good 'ol days makes it harder. i'm sooooo guilty of that too... just saying "remember when.. remember how.." remember. remember. remember. and now.. all this "i need a man!" talk... it's a cycle i tell ya! i think i need to move FORWARD! well.. i am. but just with less looking back. but looking back isn't all that bad either, ya know? AHH! see my confusion! and it's not even all this "remember" talk.. it's just doing little things or hearing songs and typing key phrases that immediately we all associate with the past. like last night, i was laying in bed talkin with peter... and neither of us had anything to say for, idk, a few minutes... it was just silence. and then it's broken with "what are you thinking about?" ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i don't even know how many times i had said that or he had said that this summer.. i'm surprised i didn't say "nooothin". haha. it's just things like that that shove me back in time.
i honestly don't know how to break these habits... so if anyone's got suggestions i'm down.
oh.. and don't think that because i'm talking about my old friends so much, i don't care about the new and valuable friendships i've formed out here at Cal. i absolutely love these people too!! they probably have no idea how much easier they've made my life here... how happy i am to have met them so early and how excited i am about seeing how the next 4 years are gonna progress. i love you all! old and new! i'll always love you!
side note: i've been informed of late that my auntie marie reads my blog! and that my dad might also... so in that case, "hi, and please don't think i'm a horrible person for saying the things i say or thinking the things think, but i'm me and that's what having a blog is about, right? letting yourself flow... don't worry about me. i'm still your darling little rita [lil weeta] but i'm getting older, my thoughts aren't all bubblegum and barbie dolls anymore, and i go through inner turmoil like any other 18 year old girl does. i wanted to keep this blog so that one day i can look back and remember all the good and the bad and everything in between, and i've kinda been censoring it lately (actually, i've been censoring it for awhile) and i don't like that feeling.. knowing that people look at this and judge me. but hey, that's just how it goes... and so please give me some literary license and let me flow."
actually, i think i need to let myself let me flow...
|
|
|
|
|
I NEED A BACK RUB! no.. A WHOLE BODY RUB (even the hair). like... PRONTO!
ahhhhhhhhh... my poor achy body! |
|
|
|
|
|
posted by Rita at 
